Today I want to share with you a personal experience.
Each of us in life there are moments when you start to ask questions: " How to understand yourself ?", "What do I want from life?", "What exactly do I lack for happiness and others?".
I was not an exception.
Someone these questions lead to depression, someone - to workaholism and life experiments, someone to abuse alcohol and other muck.
And I was brought to psychological training.
The group was small - only 7 people, and the coach is really excellent.
Marina Alexandrovna is a practicing psychologist who helped many people, our group was no exception.
What is behind the question "How to understand yourself?"
Marina Alexandrovna did not attend empty conversations at the training, but she immediately asked: "Why did you come here?"We took turns replying.
It turned out that everyone had a similar problem: the inability to understand on their own, how to sort out .
Marina Alexandrovna's reaction surprised us.
She laughed and replied: "Here you are a liar. The problem of each of you is not at all in this! ".
The coach explained that most of her clients come to her with such a problem: "They say, help me understand myself, I do not know what I want, etc.".
"A person learns the most important lessons in the event that he finds himself in a desperate situation. We rejoice in success, but he does not teach us anything. The lesions are very painful - and we memorize such lessons for a long time. Looking back in time, it is the misfortune that we usually consider to be a turning point in our lives. "
Andrew Matthews. Live easy! How to find yourself and your work
However, when you say this, a person simply does not want to look for a real reason for his excitement.
He is afraid to admit even to himself that he is worried.
The call "go there, I do not know where, bring that, I do not know what", addressed to the psychologist is either ordinary cowardice( the patient is hiding from real problems) or arrogance( and guess, doctor, if so clever, what exactly worries me).
Reasons for the question: "How to understand yourself?"
After such extraordinary explanations Marina Alexandrovna asked:
"Are you ready to get to the real cause of your anxiety? Who wants to continue to hide behind the fictional problem of the impossibility of to understand , can leave the training right now. He will get his money back. "
It is clear that all remained.
Started the trainer with the reasons that lead to such a common problem:
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A difficult period in life.
If you are following one another after failures, it is understandable why you want to do self-discovery.
But you're making a mistake: you do not have to understand in your inner world, but analyze what you did wrong in each particular case. This will help to avoid further mistakes.
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The state of depression, neurosis or even - a prolonged bad mood.
And the truth, when still with a masochistic pleasure to dig into themselves, as if not in periods of sadness.
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Large quarrels and conflicts with someone close.
And if there have been several such quarrels in the last period, then for sure you will want to understand yourself in order to find the cause of these scandals.
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The Shattered Hopes.
For example, it seemed to you that your guy was about to make you an offer of an arm and a heart, and he instead took and threw you.
You observed unusual behavior towards your boss for a week and already had time to tell yourself that you are about to be promoted, but it turns out that her oddities were associated with staff cuts and you were on the "firing list".
After such disappointments 's desire to understand is quite natural: you want to avoid such attacks in the future.
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Age crises.
You're smart, you know perfectly well that the teenage crisis is not the only one in human life.
There are many dangerous enemies hiding between teenage uncertainty and the crisis of middle age( 35-45 years): 20 years( parting with adolescence), 25 years( unwillingness to grow up), 30 years old( I'm an adult, but I have nothing), etc..
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The flow of life is too slow.
For example, your 30-year-old friend has a violent personal life, changes young ladies like gloves, owns his own business, traveled half the world, etc.
And now you've been attending an unloved work for 8 years, sitting on the same chair, and the wife, with whom you have been together for 7 years, does not seem for some reason more the love of life.
How can you not begin to understand yourself?
How do you sort yourself out once and for all?
Self-exclusion( within the framework of reasonable, of course) is quite normal practice for every person.
Moreover, it is a kind of marker: if a man or woman wants to understand , to understand their fears and dreams, to analyze their mistakes, to reveal what is not enough for happiness, this is a real homo sapiens.
The chances for success and happiness for such a person are much higher than that of a monkey, who does not know how to think at all, and is satisfied with the satisfaction of primitive desires: to devour, sleep, and pile up.
You just need to understand yourself correctly.
Competent self-exclusion has such components:
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Find the source of your alarm.
Maybe you are upset because of some failure( even if it's a long time ago), or the reason is in a bad mood because of a quarrel with your loved one, or the autumn depression is bothering you, or you are jealous of the girl's success.
Be extremely honest with yourself.
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If you find it so hard to find the source of the problem, make lists of what you are unhappy about in your life.
Mark with a red marker what you can fix, green is something that does not depend on you and what you have to accept, and blue is what you need to exclude from your life.
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When the source is found, start localizing it.
For example, the cause of your anxiety is work.
Salary is small, duties increase every day, no career growth, and even the headmistress is a witch on a broomstick.
Think about what you can change from this in your favor?
If something is subject to correction, start acting.
If not, then it's worthwhile to think about changing jobs.
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Take and wait for something that can not be fixed.
If the melancholic mood you have appeared because of prolonged rains, then think about how soon the sun will appear, pamper yourself with something delicious, entertain yourself somehow.
If the cause is your illness, give up all your strength to fight it, take it as a signal from the body about the need to rest and happily lie in bed, etc.
If nevertheless you can not understand yourself how to understand , then seek professional help.
The psychologist will help you decide how to change your life qualitatively.
And a few more arguments in favor of the psychological help of
in this video:
Do not listen to fools: psychologists are visited not by psychos, but by people who do not care about their life.