How to survive a divorce with your wife without too much stress?

In divorce, there is nothing pleasant for either men or women.

Even if you were the initiator of the gap, even if you are happy about getting rid of this person, then the very process of official divorce is unpleasant.

But worst of all, when they throw you. When they do not even ask if you want to save the family or not.

In such cases, many men have to look for advice " How to survive the divorce from his wife? ", so as not to go crazy about all these experiences. How to start living after such an unpleasant event?

How to survive a divorce, or do men have their weaknesses?

Since childhood, boys are taught: you are a man, you should not cry, whine, complain, be weak, sentimental, etc.

As a result, there are a lot of men who can not cope with pain when they have to go through a divorce with their wife or face other personal troubles.

It will be easier if you allow yourself to feel and use these feelings for good.

5 options for the behavior of a man in a divorce from his wife

All people are different, so it's natural that we react to unpleasant situations unequally.

Men who have to survive a divorce from their wife - is no exception.

There are five basic options for the behavior of a man who will experience a divorce from his wife:

1. Denial.

   Wife told you that she wants to leave forever. For you, her decision was a shock that you are trying to deny.

   You refuse to come to the registry office on the appointed day, hide from her, so as not to find out the relationship, tell everyone how happy you are in marriage.

   That is, you simply do not perceive as a fact that your family is collapsing and, naturally, doing nothing to save it.

2. Posturing.

   Do you want to leave? For God's sake!

   Yes, I in a matter of minutes a dozen such as you will find! I do not need you at all!

   To hide his suffering, a man with all his strength begins to show indifference to divorce and, naturally, pushes his wife even more.

3. Aggressiveness.

   Having learned that his marriage is hanging by a thread, a man begins to show aggression towards his wife, her relatives, her new gentleman, if any.

   But the victims of his anger can be people who are completely innocent of his sufferings: friends, colleagues, random fellow travelers, etc.

   I do not think it's worth saying that this is also a road to nowhere, if you still want to try to glue the family together.

4. I am the victim.

   Abandoned husband( and this option is typical for the abandoned husbands) begins to suffer, and he does it in front of the audience.

   Everyone, from a close friend to an occasional companion in public transport, a man tells how he suffers, complains about "this bitch that threw him", cries, requires sympathy, asks for advice.

   The least dangerous option for mental health during divorce( although not very pleasant for others), if the period of suffering does not drag out.

5. Closed.

   And this is the most dangerous phase of behavior in divorce.

   A man closes in himself, does not want to talk about what happened, suppresses all attempts of relatives to help or at least sympathize. He becomes silent, withdrawn, sullen.

   From this behavior to the severe form of depression one step. If you can not get out of this state yourself - go ahead to the psychologist. It will help you survive this difficult period.

What can a man feel when divorcing his wife?

A man is a person, not a piece of iron, but for people to experience feelings - naturally.

If a man has experienced a divorce from his wife, he can feel:

Feeling	How the	shows up What to do with it
Hate	You hate the woman who ruined your familiar world and want( more often only in your fantasies) to hurt her so she can feel how bad you are.	Try to be above this hatred. Cling to the good that was in your relationship. Seeking in oneself kindness, responsiveness, sacrifice.
Wrath of	You are angry not only with your ex-wife, you are angry with the whole world. The main result of anger is aggression to everyone and everything.	Do not allow this anger to flood you, otherwise there is a great risk of doing many dangerous( for yourself and others) actions, which you will later regret.
Pain	When a person is injured, he experiences pain. It manifests itself in different ways: someone starts to drink, someone - to complain, someone - goes into himself, someone is looking for a cure for pain.	First, you need to remember that gradually this pain will subside by itself. It is not superfluous to look for something that will help alleviate this pain: working with a psychologist, traveling, dipping headlong into work, spiritual conversation with a friend, religion, etc.
Fear of	First of all, the feeling of fear is due to the fact that your life should change abruptly and you do not know what to do in this new life. To this can be mixed and fear of loneliness. The most frequent manifestation of a man's fears after a divorce is an attempt to create a new relationship or deny that now you are a lonely person.	Fighting your fears is difficult, but you must do it. Take divorce not as the end of the world, but as a new stage in your life, which will necessarily lead to something light and beautiful.
Resentment	A man in this period may resemble an offended child who does not understand why he was punished. And what an offended child does is complain to adults trying to find help from them.	Find the strength to forgive a woman who offended you. Most likely, she did not have such intentions. It's just that sometimes life turns out so that we have to hurt people who are close to us.
Shame of	A shame in this situation a man can feel in two cases: when his act or behavior provoked a divorce or when he was forced to admit from childhood that "you need to get married once and for all," "no one in our family gets divorced," "bedivorced ashamed ", etc.	I need to convince myself that there is nothing to be ashamed of. It's embarrassing to lie - to embarrass the law - to embarrass, offend the weak - ashamed. There are many reasons to be ashamed of yourself, but divorce to them does not apply exactly.
Hidden joy	Relations with your wife for a long time you did not bring the proper pleasure. You yourself often thought about getting a divorce, but everyone did not dare. And so she made this decision for you. You got rid of the boring fetters. The fact that you feel joy is good, but you do not need to show it so clearly.	Do nothing. I'm glad that you managed to survive the divorce without suffering.

How to survive the divorce from his wife: different versions of the unpleasant event

The circumstances of the divorce are different for everyone.

If you want to survive parting with your wife with minimal emotional loss, act according to the situation.

1) You are the initiator of the break.

You met another woman or realized that you no longer love your wife. Whatever the reason, its result is that you initiated a divorce.

To you in this case, in order to survive the divorce from the wife, you need:

1. To treat with understanding that the wife is suffering.
2. Do not show your joy frankly: "Hurray-ah-ah!"I'm finally free! ".
3. Do not defame it in the eyes of your mutual friends.
4. Behave like a real man, and not the nothingness that came to require a toaster, because "it was my mother who gave it to us."
5. With respect and gratitude for the spent time to treat the woman you once loved, and with whom were happy.

2) You are thrown.

The opposite situation is that your wife was the initiator of the divorce. The reasons for this may be different:

• is another man;
• is your treason;
• is your drunkenness and nighttime drinking;
• the disappearance of love from a relationship;
• your bad attitude to it, etc.

How to survive a divorce with your wife in this case:

1. Do not show aggression towards your family.
2. Do not commit stupid acts: get drunk, fight, quit your job, etc.
3. Do not impose, if several of your attempts to save the marriage have not been successful.
4. Do not shut yourself in, rejecting all kinds of help.
5. Do something useful to occupy yourself.

3) Do you have children.

It's hardest to survive a divorce if the family has children. While adults find out the relationship, babies suffer.

Living with a divorce from your wife, you should not focus only on your suffering, but, above all, you have to think about children:

1. Explain to them that it's not their fault that mom and dad get divorced.
2. Do not bear hostility towards your wife about the children she gave birth to.
3. Do not delete children from a previous marriage from your life, even if you created a new family.
4. Spend time with them, participate in their lives.
5. Help them financially and let it be not only minimal alimony, but also valuable gifts, pocket money, etc.

Survive a divorce from his wife and live on!

If you could not do anything to save the relationship and the divorce has already taken place, take it as a fact. Do not deny what happened.

Believe me, life does not end thereafter. The truth of this statement you are ready to confirm many divorced men.

. .. If you are the initiator of the gap, make sure that you really want it so you do not regret it later.

If this wife left you, and you continue to love her, try to bring her back. The most reasonable thing is to find out the reason for her departure and draw the appropriate conclusions.

For example, she left because you abuse alcohol. If you quit drinking, she will most likely return to you.

If you know for sure that you can not fix anything, then the divorce from your wife can only be experienced. How to do it, advises a family psychologist:

1. Do not reject the help of relatives of , if you need it, but do not let them interfere in their affairs.

   Talking on souls with a friend is one thing, and sending your mother to talk with his wife to think better is another.

2. After the divorce, take the leave and go on vacation.

   This will allow you to change the situation and distract from sad thoughts.

3. Plunge into the work of , then there will be no time for suffering.
4. Do not lead the life of a hermit , do not reject the invitation of relatives and friends.
5. Find yourself a hobby , because now you have enough time to do what you like.
6. Try to keep with your wife, if not friendly, then at least moderately a friendly relationship .

7. Remove the engagement ring.

   Better yet - sell it and buy yourself what you've dreamed of for a while, but the wife did not allow it.

8. Begin to go on dates .

   It's not worth while to establish a serious relationship, but you do not need to lead the life of a monk either.

9. Read some interesting books by on the topic of divorce.

   In them you will find answers to many questions that interest you.

   For example:

   • Andrey Kurpatov "7 real stories. How to survive the divorce ";
   • Oleg Ivik "The History of Divorce";
   • Bruce Fisher, Robert Alberti "Recovery after a divorce";
   • John Ventura, Mary Reed "Divorce for Dummies";
   • Helmut Figdor "The woes of divorce and ways to overcome them."

10. With optimism, look to the future of and believe that true love and family happiness are ahead of you.

    The first marriage was just a rehearsal.

The process of divorce with his wife is fraught with a lot of nuances.

Advice from an experienced lawyer will help you to solve them:

"It's easier to survive divorce if you understand that parting for good"

I remember how one of my close friends was going through a divorce.

With Olga, Igor lived for 3 years. Were still married students. Her friend simply adored her, she also kept her feelings.

The first step towards parting was different working interests. After graduating from high school, Igor entered postgraduate school, remained to teach, worked on the candidate's. Ira also got a job in a commercial company.

Money, she earned much more. She did not understand her scientific aspirations. She was angry that he gave her little time, did not give expensive gifts, did not arrange constantly romantic evenings.

And then a colleague with her love broke into her life. After a short but stormy romance Olga filed for divorce.

For Igor, it was a shock, because he was sure that everything was wonderful in his family.

The man has gone through all phases of experience: denial, anger, misunderstanding, guilt, fear, etc.

He shut himself up. I did not want to talk about it. I thought of even dropping a post-graduate course and finding a job that would suit "his Olenka."

And then, being a reasonable man, I realized that it was not the job at all. Simply they were different people and, the older they became, the more obvious these differences were manifested. They would have split anyway, only later.

5 years after the divorce Igor married again - on the teacher from his chair. They are happy and expect to be added to the family.

Let now you do not understand, how to survive a divorce from his wife and not go crazy with pain.

Believe me, all this will pass.

The day will come when you will feel better when you are optimistic about the future and open for a new relationship.