I do not know if there are people among your acquaintances who adore scandals?
And among my - there is, or rather - was, until I changed my place of work.
This black-haired lady was happy, as if she received a gift for the name-day party, when she had a chance to quarrel with someone. She turned into a real "beauty": her eyes sparkled, her nostrils flared, her left hoof began to rake the ground.
Well, it's just that you're a fighting bull before a bullfighter.
Quarrel with this was more expensive.
She still did not listen to anyone but herself, and any attempts to argue her position were scored with a wild orator and obscene vocabulary.
The only way to deal with such a monster is to retire in time.
But since it was not so easy to do this - the young lady refused to release the victim from claws so easily - she had to study the literature " How to avoid conflicts ?" And share the read advice with other colleagues.
If among your acquaintances there are felids of hell that were sent to the ground to provoke conflicts, then you got to "holy water" from them.
What is conflict and how to avoid it?
There are several interpretations of this word.
The most common one is one of the unpleasant ways to resolve contradictions.
Psychologists are inclined to think that this is the contradiction( that is, the lack of harmony) that arises between individuals, whole groups and even - nations.
In short, this is an extremely negative phenomenon, therefore, every normal person should know, how to avoid the conflict , so as not to spread further aggression.
Very often we get into unpleasant situations precisely because we do not have time to react in time, we do not recognize the conflict at an early stage, and we understand that we "got hit" when it's too late to remove fishing rods.
Learning to control yourself - useful advice
Therefore, in order to escape from the battlefield even before it starts, be able to recognize the signs of a conflict that is starting.
Let's list them:
- It seems to you that the one with whom you speak now has not yet said a single clever word.
- The blood literally begins to boil in your veins on every opponent's cue.
- You are starting to get annoyed not only by a nearby idiot who carries a complete nonsense, but everything around.
- A glass of wine, a pile of cognac or a cigarette you would not be disturbed right now.
- The palpitations become more frequent, you begin to intensify and breathe more often.
- You are looking for what you can throw into this annoying creature.
- It turns out that you know a lot of obscene words that would gladly teach you a bothersome companion.
- Oh, and why is murder now a criminal offense?
Is it always worth avoiding conflicts?
In my opinion - not always.
Sometimes you can not do without conflict to solve this or that problem.
But I'm in favor of the fact that the "sick" need in a light form.
No hysterics, whipping utensils, inhuman ora, fistfights and other self-mutilation.
Even to find out the relationship you need to be intelligent.
So, it is necessary to conflict if:
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It is necessary to find out the sore with a close person.
This is often used by couples.
Naturally, the ideal option is to sit down and talk like adults, but often a small conflict can defuse the situation.
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You want to break the relationship with some annoying acquaintance.
My friend and her husband could not get rid of one sticky couple, who certainly wanted to be friends with them.
Even frankness: "We do not want to talk to you!" Did not extinguish their fuse.
I had a friend with my husband to step on the boredom of their beloved, but on the callus and quarrel.
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This is an important issue for you and to retire is to betray your ideals, to become a coward.
For example, you need to put in place a fugitive who insults your girlfriend, mother, to rescue from the sadistic animal, etc.
"As soon as you learn to mirror the conflict situation in a mirror - not plunging into it up to your ears, but contemplating it from the side - then believe me, it will certainly be solved with minimal losses for you! You just need to put yourself in the position of another person and imagine: what would you have done or wanted to do in this case? »
Chepova V.
But again, think, how to avoid conflicts before you get involved in them.
Perhaps you yourself have inflated the problem yourself and there is still time to calm down and correct the situation.
How to avoid unnecessary conflict?
Our mothers also taught us that the easiest way to avoid scandal or fight is to turn around and get away from someone who is trying to provoke you to unreasonable actions.
The board, in general, is correct, and it occurs in a variety of profile articles.
If you just can not turn around and leave the battlefield for different reasons( you do not want to offend a loved one, the opponent is too angry and does not allow you to leave, you are in a closed room, crowded with public transport, etc.), then II propose the following algorithm of action:
How to forgive betrayal - an example from the life of
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Calm yourself.
Take a couple of deep breaths to normalize your breathing, tame your anger and irritation.
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Try to calm down the conflicting side.
This can be done if:
- is spoken in a calm tone;
- does not show signs of aggression;
- to apologize;
- ignore the boor;
- joke to defuse the situation;
- say something like: "Let's talk tomorrow, when both calm down," "I respect your opinion, but I have my own, so I suggest we just finish the conversation," "We do not want to find out our relationship with the audience?" And t.
In general, choose the option according to the situation in which you are and depending on the personality of your opponent.
Errors that will not allow you to avoid conflict
Sometimes people are surprised: "I was not going to quarrel with him at all, I do not know how it happened".
And it all turned out that way, instead of focusing on the thought, the how to avoid the conflict , by their actions or words unconsciously threw the drow in the fire.
Conflict to be, if you:
- stopped talking in a calm tone, and went on shouting;
- took an aggressive pose, for example, "hands in the sides" or, clenching their fists, exposed them in front of them;
- began to openly mock the opponent;
- began to offend the vis-a-vis, even in response to his insults;
- attracted a third party that annoyed or is the enemy of the one with whom you are having a conflict.
Do you know who is the least likely to get into conflict situations? People who:
- do not gossip;
- adhere to a neutral position in judgments;
- carefully choose not only friends, but also just interlocutors;
- looks confident in their abilities;
- do not stick their noses, which is not necessary;
- have too little free time to look for adventure on their. .. Okay, let it be - head.🙂
I propose to watch an interesting video,
as our smaller brothers suggest solving conflicts.
Avoid conflicts !
Life without them is too complicated and saturated, and you will need nerve cells to solve real problems.