When people decide to devote one another's whole life, to be a support and support, they never think about surprises prepared by fate. One of them is treason. Unfortunately, it often occurs. But before you make a verdict, it's important to understand yourself and understand how to behave properly if the husband has changed.
- The reasons for
What to do
- To accept
- To forgive and to let go
- To fight and not give up
- How to get out of depression
- What can not be done
The first thing to do is find out all the prerequisites of betrayal. Matrimonial betrayal never arises from nothing, this action should be something to push.
Look for reasons in yourself:
If at least two of the answers are negative, try changing attitudes towards family life and yourself.
- Do you pay much attention to your husband? Are you interested in his work at work, the details of the next campaign for fishing, a hanging out with friends?
- Are you looking after yourself to look attractive not only at work and away, but at home?
- Do you have your own sphere of interest in which you realize yourself as a person?
- Are you in a dialogue in controversial situations? Do you listen to the opinion of the husband?
- Do you feel yourself a real, tender and caring woman?
In addition, look for reasons in the circumstances:
- Sometimes, men argue the betrayal of the words "This is love, I can not help myself".This often speaks of a psychological crisis in a person's life, when he tries to restore youth, builds illusions about the realization of lost opportunities.
- The husband succumbed to the coquetry of a colleague or an old friend. Here it is necessary to answer the question whether the treason was single, or another woman became a mistress. In the first case, one can understand and forgive. Yes, it requires very great efforts, but family well-being is more expensive. In the second - to weigh all the pros and cons of continuing or breaking the relationship.
What to do
The main thing is not to do anything on emotions, without weighing and burning. There are different situations, depending on which you can forgive your husband, and experience treason with proudly raised head.to the table of contents ^
Women - beings are too kind and soft, ready to forgive the last abominations from the beloved. But to accept and silently tolerate is not the path that leads to the restoration of harmonious relations.
This strategy will only distract your spouse from you, because internal discomfort, low self-esteem and other consequences of the tactic of "silence" will cause your family ship to stumble upon new and new cliffs of distrust and misunderstanding until it breaks to bits.
This does not mean that the family will collapse in six months or a year.Often formally the spouses remain in marriage, but in fact, those threads that become the essence of the family, do not stick together.
This choice can be understood due to material, housing circumstances, or if the family has children you do not want to leave without a full-fledged family. But you always need to remember yourself and be aware of what you can sacrifice, and what - not.to the table of contents ^
Forgive and release
Sometimes the husband himself confesses to treachery and asks for a divorce, virtually leaving his wife no choice. But sometimes it is the affected party that makes the decision to complete the relationship.
It's sad, but it happens that love passes, and more often simultaneously in both spouses. Just someone makes the first move. But the resentment and selfishness of the one who was thrown, does miracles: it seems that you love at least 20 years ago, and the husband is ideal, but in the long term not yours. Understand yourself: what exactly made you think so, and what were your thoughts, for example, a month before what happened.
If the reason - in a sense of ownership and jealousy - let go. A few months will have to endure, but living with an unloved husband out of habit is the right way to lose yourself as a woman, as a person.
If you have come to the conclusion that you have not ceased to love the soul mate all the years of your life together - this tactic is not for you.Read also about the 7 steps that will help quickly http://woman-l.ru/7-shagov-kak-bystro-zabyt-lyubimogo-cheloveka/ forget your loved oneto the table of contents ^
Fight and not give up
Perhaps, ifin your soul there is still a sea of love and a drop of self-esteem, it's worth it to act: actively, confidently, purposefully.
But the fight for one's own husband should not turn into a fight with a rival: physical or psychological. You can talk to her, hoping for understanding, but no woman who agrees to a relationship with a married man, does not agree to just give it away.
In addition, your goal should not be to return the husband, but to force him to return.
If you have already analyzed all possible causes of treason, and found some of them in themselves. If you did not find it - look for more, do not feel sorry for yourself and do not indulge. And after that start to change. For this it is necessary:
- Analyze your appearance and, if necessary, change something: hair style, style of dress, manner of speaking or walking. Of course, do not immediately make yourself a woman-vamp, changes for the better should be harmonious to your image, but palpable.
- Change the behavior and way of leisure. If you do not like to stand at the stove for a long time, step over yourself, allocate time and cook your favorite dish. If you often sit in front of a television, computer, book - gather and go for a walk in the park, or at the cinema, or at the theater. The main thing is for the husband to know about this and, more importantly, to see that you left the house beautiful. In this case, do not cause jealousy: tell me that you are going with a friend or invite your spouse to go with you.
- Try to organize your joint vacation: either alone or with children - but think about how to make this time really rich and exciting. It is better to go to nature, go to the amusement park for the whole or, in general, go to the mountains, to the sea, to camping with tents - it all depends on your overall preferences.
- Include all of your female charm, forgetting that you have lived with a person for more than a year. And remember that among millions of women he chose you, and it can not be that you do not come out to renew all the passion and tender feelings.
Pay attention to the article about the relationship http://woman-l.ru/otnosheniya-s-zhenatym-muzhchinoj/ with the married manto the table of contents ^
How to get out of the depression
Betrayal of the husband always leaves its mark on the mental stateany woman. But with stress, you can and should fight. Ways how to survive betrayal, abound, you just need to:
- To talk heart to heart with a loved one. Nervous tension will pass as soon as you speak out. It is better to do this not by phone, but to meet for tea or ice cream in a pleasant place. So you can distract yourself, and dot the "i", and feel the support, understanding and care.
- Go shopping. Shopping, as you know, is the best medicine. Helps to overcome stress and the process of buying, and the inclusion of new things in the wardrobe. In this beautiful dress or blouse will attract the attention of men, which is always nice. By the way, pay attention to the views addressed to you, do this for a week: you can even start counting them, increasing self-esteem is guaranteed!
- Change the situation: go on a visit to your parents, or to the resort, or at least to the dacha. But, most importantly, something to do in a new place, do not sit for days in four walls and seek the maximum entertainment.
- Take on something that you have long dreamed of or planned: sign up for a dance, music or art school, for English courses. So you will have a new sphere of self-realization, a lot of positive emotions and pleasant acquaintances.
- Just pamper yourself and make everyday life fascinating: walk on foot, where you can drive, go to a cafe, coming back from work, go to the beauty salon for a manicure or SPA procedures. Love yourself and prove it to yourself in every way!
What can not be done
Uncertainty and a panicky desire to take revenge or detain - frequent satellites of such situations. Therefore, you need to think about how you should not behave:
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- Asking the spouse to stay. This is the grossest mistake of a self-respecting woman. You should not expect a positive result, you will only give an occasion to laugh at yourself.
- Search for meetings with your opponent. The desire to express in person all that you think about your mistress is understandable and natural. But you can not do this in any case: so you just show her your weakness and nervous state. At best, you will be sorry in the soul, at the worst - they laugh contemptuously in the face.
- Trying to take revenge on betrayal. Remember that this is your life, and to get in touch with anyone horrible should not be in your rules, which, in turn, can not depend on the behavior of the spouse.
- Complain to all friends, including general. You do not need a husband to know about your weakness, and therefore few people should know about it: ideally, one person( the one closest who can be told everything).
- Spying on a spouse, trying to convict him of a misdemeanor. So you will bring more harm to yourself than to your husband: his plans are unlikely to affect your surveillance, and you will only get a new stress.